Chumble Spuzz
BSB Design Principle
Panel 1Boss: “When you engineer our new mobile phone product, make sure you adhere to the BSB design principle.” Panel 2Dilbert: “BSB?”Boss: “Beautiful, Slippery, Brittle.” Panel 3Dilbert: “Isn’t that sort of evil?”Boss: “It isn’t our fault if customers don’t buy an ugly case.”
Salad Before Pizza
Pizza’s Here! Yes! Finally! But first let’s all enjoy a nice, healthy salad. It’s like standing at the gates of heaven and finding out you’re in boarding group 6.
Laughed Myself Fuzzy
Catbert: Evil HR director I’m starting an employee skills database. Question: Is this the first step in moving everyone to jobs they don’t want? No, no, no… The first step was when I laughed myself fuzzy thinking about it.
You’re solving the wrong problem!
Panel 1Dilbert: “Why are you sending me to teach COBOL to the Elbonians? Wally is the one who knows COBOL, not me.” Panel 2Boss: “Wally said he’s busy that day.”Dilbert: “Can’t you reschedule the class?” Panel 3Boss: “Okay… does tomorrow work for you?”Dilbert (shouting, frustrated): “You’re solving the wrong problem!”
So the real message here is “be dishonest”?
I want the last piece of pie! Don’t divide it up! Give it all to me! Don’t be selfish, Calvin. So the real message here is “be dishonest”?
Anything I don’t understand is easy to do
Panel 1Boss: “I put together a time line for your project.” Panel 2Boss: “I started by reasoning that anything I don’t understand is easy to do.” Panel 3Boss (reading): “Phase one: Design a client-server architecture for our worldwide operations. Time: six minutes.”
My Cerebellum Just Fused
Panel 1Teacher: “OK, you’ve all read the chapter, so who can tell me what’s important about the Battle of Lexington?” Panel 2(Calvin sits silently at his desk. Teacher says:)Teacher: “Anyone?” Panel 3Teacher: “Calvin, how about you?” Panel 4Calvin (wild-eyed and frazzled): “Hard to say, ma’am. I think my cerebellum just fused.”
Chumble Spuzz!
Panel 1(Test question on paper:)“1. Explain Newton’s First Law of Motion in your own words.”(Calvin looks at the paper, thinking.) Panel 2(Calvin smiles, realizing something.) Panel 3(Calvin writes nonsense:)“Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz.” Panel 4Calvin (smiling proudly): “I love loopholes.”